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How to deal with a narcissistic mom
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Hi, guys. It's Hillary here for one more post. Today, we will talk about something that affects a lot of people around the world.
I will tell you how I stopped being that oppressed girl and took the pen to write my own story. And better than that, I'll explain how you can do it as well.
Well, first of all, I would like to share my story with you. It's a small one, no worries.
How is it like to grow up with such a mom?
I was born in a small family from a single mother who was carrying hate for my father who left her.
She tried hard to be a good mom and to replace him, but she always felt guilty and angry for believing in that man.
Besides, she was carrying sorrow for my grandpa who left her to her grandparents' care... That's complicated, I know.
And I grew up in such situations... Every mistake was like death and you would hear accusations and words that would hurt you deeply.
"You aren't good enough", " You look horrible with these clothes", "You are so disorganized", "You are the reason why your father left me", and stuff like that.
But a fun fact is that apart from everything, I was a happy child. I was a little shy but could make a lot of friends and have funny moments with them.
However, every moment when I was at home I returned to that oppressed feeling. I didn't have a voice there and she was always the most perfect one. "You should do it like me" - she usually said-.
And I was growing with two sides. One was nice and talkative and the other one was a girl who always felt unable and guilty.
How can you overcome it?
This isn't an easy thing to do, especially if you have a very bad relationship with your mom and see no escape. Regardless, I have some tips that will help you do it.
Tip #1
My first idea to you is (if you can, of course) to look for a psychologist. It will help you to understand that you aren't guilty of that situation. You were just a child.
Every mistake you made was a child discovering the world and learning.
So, give you love and don't push you so hard.
Tip #2
This one is for you to do every moment you can.
Look at your mother with love. I know it's hard to see it, mainly if you have a tough time with pardon, as I had, but with practice, you can do it.
A thing I learned that helped me was to see that she was giving her best. She was so hurt as I was and every mistake she made was trying to help me and to make me a better person, in her vision of the world.
Tip #3
This one is more for your good, for your mental health.
Every time you hear your mom, or any person who is toxic to you, judging you with a bad intention, change what you hear.
Yes. That it. If that person said to you "You are incompetent", you will hear " I learned a new way of how don't do it".
This way you will preserve yourself, and with time you will feel better and these good thoughts will appear automatically in your head.
Tip #4
If you have a person you trust talk to her. Ask for help, if your situation is that tough and you can't stand up with it anymore.
Let this person love you and take care of you.
If you don't have that person you can pray if you are a religious person or you can only look at yourself with love, write a letter to yourself sending you all the love you are looking for.
Tip #5
This is a nice technique used for some psychologists, which is to write a letter to the person who hurt you.
You can tell how you felt, go to a deeper level, and see your actions, their actions and give you love. Accept what happened and learn with that. Pardon that. Then you can burn the letter and end up with a layer of that scar.
Tip #6
Whether your situation is horrible and you have this possibility, I advise you to move to another place.
This will allow you to rise and have your moment, your time with yourself giving you love and supporting you to become the person you already are in your soul. It will help you to liberate that character and to pardon.
Additional Information
I'd like to remember I am not a specialist. I'm just a girl who suffered from it and knows how it hurts. I am in peace now and I overcame it, so I'd like to help people, in the way I can, to overcome those scars as well.
Don't forget!
Maybe that person is just as hurt as you and it's looking for a way to rise from that bad situation. Give love and empathy if possible. And remember: love can heal.
That person can be just looking for a way to survive their trauma as well. Don't judge before you know the truth. If possible don't do that even when you know it.
I'd like to remember you that I talked just about a portion of what is a narcissistic mom, but there is a great video on youtube that I'll link down below that explains this character.
This video is not mine, but that's a great one I found when I was searching more about his topic.
Remember
You are not alone in this situation. Unhappily that are a lot of people in the same one. But the good thing is that you can create a community and help each other. You aren't guilted for it.
You are worthy! Everything you are living is for your good. That's a lesson you are learning. You are the one responsible for your future. You can study and prepare yourself to do a big miracle.
Clicking here you can access a material to help you to overcome your trauma.
I would love to read your comments about this topic. If you are passing through this situation I recommend you to write your letter here, in the comments below. You can use the anonymous' mode.
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